Luminary Uprise 114

114: Tunnels of Olympus

Four sets of footsteps echoed down the cavern and across the stalactites of darkness. Every shadow made them jump. Every flicker made them worry.
Then, all of a sudden, there he was, barring their way: “Hey, where do you think you’re going? Mortals haven’t been allowed down here since that Lyra Belacqua fiasco, boy, did SHE ever screw things up, I had to allocate, like, HALF my budget to at least make that hole in the roof more decorative looking, and considering that I’m a GOD and my budget is infinite, hey, you can tell I wasn’t very happy about that. Anyway, name’s Hades, Lord of the Dead and, if things go my way, Lord of the Gods too, but that’s for another day. How ya doin’? Can I fetch you anything? ‘Cause I really don’t feel like it and probably won’t, but they always say it’s polite to ask.”
Kairi looked back and forth at her companions. Myed was frozen still, Goofy was trying and failing to produce speech, and Clive couldn’t even eke out a simple “Mud,” so she took it upon herself to clear her throat and say, “We’re here looking for the key to Hera’s garden.” She fixed an eye on Hades. “I think you should KNOW why.”
“Hey, gotta be honest with ya,” Hades said, putting his hands out in front of him. “The apples? Not really my thing. I promise, those apples will be causing NO TROUBLE on this world.”
“Then what will?” Kairi asked.
“Details,” Hades said, waving the subject off. (Those “details” were currently undergoing a smackdown by Hercules, the Beast, and Xaldin in Thebes under Ares’ orders, so Hades’ plan ended up foiled anyway.) “Anyway, I’ve got that key for you, not like you’ll get the other eleven, just as soon as you do a little….TASK for me.”
“What kind of task?” Kairi asked with suspicion.
“Oh, nothing…just a little redecorating, getting an obstacle out of my way…” He stopped and stared hard at Myed. “You, you look familiar. Where have I seen you before? Were you one of the shades that tried to get out of the Styx? Because I’m pretty sure Cerberus ate them all, except that one girl that Jerk-ules brought back to life, and that no-good Auron that didn’t do ANYTHING for me.”
“N-no,” Myed stammered. “I don’t think we’ve e-e-ever met before, n-no.”
“Hm. Coulda sworn I’d seen you around someplace. Were you a witness of the slaying of the Hydra at Thebes?”
“N-no…”
“One of the fellows I manipulated when I was trying to destroy Hercules a while back?”
“I really don’t th-think…”
“You weren’t with BELACQUA, were you?”
“N—“
“Don’t worry, I’ll get it eventually. Sheesh, the would-be heroes get punier each time. This way to the room I need fixed. Hurry it up.”

“Well, here it is,” Hades presented. The cavern looked to be a patch of land with its own sky—but that was impossible; they were miles underground.
“Gawrsh,” Goofy muttered.
“Yeah, it’s ‘gawrsh,’ all right,” Hades commented, “but see that rock there? That rock is REALLY throwing off the feng shui, and trust me, you don’t want bad energy flowing through Hell.”
The rock in question looked like something Lexaeus could move with ease, but for the three (four if you count Clive) that stood before it, it would be quite a challenge. It was taller than Hades (who was quite tall, especially if you counted the hair) and as wide as it was tall, perfectly round. It sat at the base of a hill that nearly reached the sky.
“I’m thinkin’ it would look better…hm, I don’t know, let’s see…maybe, no, not there, how about on top of THAT hill,” Hades said, extending a bony finger to point at the hill’s summit. “That would be just perfect. Now, I’ll leave you to your work and your happy working songs, and when you’re done and that rock is perfectly perched on top of that hill, I’ll fork over the key. Sound good?”
“Wait,” Kairi commanded.
“Excuse me? This pint-sized mortal is telling me, god of the Underworld, to wait?”
“First of all, it’s pint-sized Queen of Heart, and second…I think we should shake on it.”
“Really now.”
“Make a deal. To make sure you keep your end of the bargain. Hercules warned us all about how you don’t like to do that…but you WILL uphold a deal that’s been shook on.”
“How incredibly and annoyingly astute,” Hades said, extending his hand. “So, you get the rock up the hill, I fetch you the key. Do we have a deal?”
Kairi planted her fragile, sweating palm in his bony grip. “We have a deal.”
A blue light surrounded their hands, then was gone. “Have fun, movers,” Hades said ominously before vanishing into the shadows.
“This rock,” said Myed. “It’s huge. If I had known there would be a rock involved, I would’ve asked them to make Lex do this…”
“It can’t be that hard to move,” said Goofy. “We just gotta work together!”
“He’s right,” Kairi affirmed. “If we all push the rock up the hill together, we can make it. It’s just…something doesn’t seem right…this is a little familiar.”
“Don’t talk to me about familiar,” Myed reminded her, shaking a finger in her face. “You haven’t even been here before! Like…some people have.”
The three of them got behind the rock and began the arduous task of shoving it uphill. Even Clive chipped in by firing water jets at it.
“How come he’s got water powers down here?” Kairi asked. “I thought there was a curse on this place.”
“Well,” Goofy explained, “Hades said there weren’t any mortals allowed in the Underworld! We’re mortals, and there aren’t any dead souls here, so I think he cleaned this place out for our task, and even though it’s usually part of the Underworld, right now it isn’t!”
“So we can have even more help,” Myed figured. “You two hang on.”
He let go of the rock and called up his Sitar. In no time, there was a whole crew of water clones helping to move the rock, and soon it sat on the hill’s summit.
“We did it!” Goofy cried, jumping up and down with joy.
The rock suddenly teetered, which was odd, because it wasn’t off balance, and there was no wind or other force of nature to move it. It rocked back and forth until it tipped completely over the edge, rolling all the way down the hill the way it had gone up.
“Rough luck,” Myed said. “Well, I guess we have to go get it again…”
“No, wait!” Kairi cried. “Now I know why this is so familiar! It’s the story of Sisyphus! He tried to cheat Death, so when Hades brought him here, he made him roll a rock up a hill. But no matter how many times he got it up the hill, it always went back down again!”
“Gawrsh!” Goofy cried. “That means we’ll never get that key!”
“Now I know why he was so willing to make a deal,” Myed grumbled. “He knew we’d never win this!”
“Maybe,” Kairi muttered, “or maybe not. I have an idea. It’s a little strange, and I don’t know if it will work. We’ll have to use all our powers to pull it off. But if we can, we’ll be home free.”
“What do we do?” Goofy asked.
“First of all,” Kairi directed, “we get that rock back up this hill.”

After another arduous trek up the hill with the heavy rock, Kairi yelled, “NOW!”
Myed surrounded the rock with water. Clive even spit a bit onto it. Kairi and Goofy, on either side of the rock, cried, “BLIZZAGA!” firing their toughest magic at it.
“I thought you were only a memory witch,” Myed commented.
“Donald’s been teaching me a few things,” Kairi admitted.
When she and Goofy were done, the rock was imprisoned in a casing of shining ice. There was a cracking sound as the rock strained to get free, but it was stuck there at the top of the mountain.
“Kinda looks like a disco ball,” Myed pointed out.
Hades portalled into the chamber. “WHAT?” he cried. “You actually got the rock up the—I mean, well, I didn’t think you could pull it off, but you did. Here’s your key.”
He tossed it at Kairi, who expertly caught it.
“Now run along and have a good time at Olympus. I’m sure the party will only just be getting started when you arrive.”
Two demons ran into the room, stumbling over each other’s tails. “Pain and Panic,” they said in unison, “reporting for duty!”
“What is it now?” Hades groaned as the trio and their Mudkip made their way out of the chamber.
“Sir,” Panic squeaked, “the Titans have been defeated!”
“WHAT?”
“It was Hercules!” Pain cried, trying to avoid the red flames that had cropped up all around the angry god. “Him and some Beast, and one of the old members of Organization XIII!”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, THAT THAT LITTLE JERK OF A DEMIGOD HAS THE NERVE TO COME BACK HERE AND…wait, did you say Organization XIII?”
“Y-yes, sir,” Panic stuttered. “Is that a problem?”
“Organization XIII,” Hades repeated. “Now, the last time I had a run in with them, it wasn’t real pleasant. They sent a rather unconvincing gofer…THAT LITTLE MULLET-HEADED WIMP THAT TRIED TO INTERFERE WITH MY PLANS!”
Kairi, Goofy, Myed, and Clive, knowing Myed’s cover was blown, started running as fast as they could, which was smart, because a flame that took up the diameter of the whole tunnel came speeding after them.
“RUN, RUN AWAAAAAAAAY!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”
“EEEEAAAAHHH-HOOOO-HOOO-HOOOOEEE!”
At the cave entrance, Myed made a sharp turn to the left and grabbed Kairi’s wrist. In turn, she caught the back of Goofy’s glove, and the three of them skidded to the side just as the fire spouted out of the cave. Clive had somehow beaten them all there.
“Remind me NEVER to get in his way again,” Myed panted. “You two okay?”
“More or less,” Kairi panted. “At least we know we got the key, and Hades’ plans are foiled…but what IS going on with Hercules and the Beast? And didn’t Xaldin go with them?”
“I can’t think of a better person to send after a bunch of Titans,” Myed admitted.
“Well,” Goofy resolved, “we’ll just have to ask ‘em when we get back to Olympus!”
“Sounds good,” Kairi said with a nod.

“We’re going to see Aphrodite,” Olette announced to Simba and Luxord, “goddess of beauty and love.”
“What a job that must be,” Simba remarked.
“Well, she is Cupid’s mother,” Olette pointed out.
“So she’s indirectly responsible for that disgusting spectacle called Valentine’s Town,” Luxord groaned. “I can’t see how she can be likeable—“
“Excuse me?” a light, sultry voice called from near a fountain.
Aphrodite had a beautiful pink-tinged face with wide eyes, golden hair that reached the ground, and a body most supermodels would envy. She wore a pink gown with a low neckline and a high slit in the skirt, accentuating this body.
Luxord turned the color of a tomato, and a rivulet of blood made its course down below his nose.
“I heard my name,” Aphrodite said cheerfully. “Were you searching for me?”
“Guh…” Luxord spat, then swallowed.
“We’re looking for the key to Hera’s garden,” announced Olette. “She said you had one.”
“That’s right, I do,” said Aphrodite. She reached down the front of her dress and pulled out a key.
Luxord nearly keeled over.
“But I can’t just give it to you,” Aphrodite pouted. “Mortals need to earn the things they look for. So you need to do something for me first.”
“What is that?” Simba asked.
“Well…” Aphrodite thought it over. “There’s a pair of Gorgons down below…”
“What’s a Gorgon?” Simba asked.
“Gah,” said Luxord.
“A bloodthirsty monster with fangs, wings, and snakes for hair,” Olette explained.
“Oh, no,” Aphrodite corrected, “they don’t ALL have snakes for hair! We just did that to Medusa because she was vain. In fact, her two sisters Euryale and Stheno have quite beautiful hair…and SOME people down below off Olympus say their hair is prettier than mine, which is why I want to see them defeated!” The previously calm and seductive goddess showed an unexpected rage.
“We can’t just defeat beings that are prettier than you!” Olette cried.
“Oh, I don’t think you’ll have a problem with that,” said Aphrodite, returning to calmness. “They’re also trying to take over the magical creatures down below and rule them with an iron fist, so it should be easy. Besides, you don’t have to KILL them! Just turn them to stone. It’s easy, because their gaze turns anyone they look at to stone, so all you have to do is make them look into a mirror! In fact, I have one you can use!”
Aphrodite used the clouds to form a full-length mirror. She admired herself in it for a while, then handed it to Olette, who nearly collapsed under the weight. Luxord did nothing to help, choosing instead to just stand stock-still and stare at Aphrodite.
“Bring me back the two statues,” said Aphrodite, “and you get this key. Understood?” She tucked the key back down the front of her dress.
Luxord let a line of drool slip down his lip, barely noticing.
“Got it,” Olette grunted, trying to carry the huge mirror. “Come on, guys. Let’s go.”
“No one,” Luxord said at last, “has prettier hair than—“
“Let’s GO!”
Simba and Luxord went trailing obediently after Olette.

Luxord had eventually snapped out of his semi-conscious state and attached the mirror to one of his cards so it could be carried more easily. “You know,” he remarked, “for the creator of that infernal birthplace of Valentines, she isn’t that bad.”
“We already know you have it bad for her,” Olette pointed out, “and it won’t do you any good. EVERYONE falls for the goddess of love and beauty. She must have a hundred suitors on Olympus and down below.”
“Besides,” Simba teased, “she’d never go for a guy like YOU.”
“What’s wrong with a guy like me?”
Olette and Simba exchanged glances and grins before saying, “Well…”
“Don’t answer that.”

“All right,” Euryale cried, looking up at the sky instead of at the many centaurs, winged horses, and satyrs before her. “Do as we say, and you won’t end up as statues!”
“We are your queens,” Stheno added, unfolding her reptilian wings, “and do not forget it!”
“Yes, mistresses,” most of the creatures said at once.
“No!” one unruly faun called out. “We won’t be ruled by tyrants like you!”
“Oh, well,” said Euryale. “We’d hoped that not everyone would have to pay for your mistake, Mr. faun, but we may as well make an example out of this group so the next one doesn’t have any rabble-rousers like you.”
She tilted her gaze down from the sky, looking out at the creatures before her, who all cowered and screamed. As soon as her eyes met theirs, a courtyard of statues stood there in place of the creatures.
Stheno lowered her gaze as well. “I hate it when good subjects condemn themselves like that.”
“Well, at least the examples are getting through to the next groups…this time there was only ONE rebel!”
Luxord, Olette, and Simba watched this all from behind, seeing the Gorgons’ backs and flowing hair but not their deadly faces.
“You know,” said Luxord, “I can see how people would think their hair is better than Aphrodite’s…they’re not a bad sight.”
“You just don’t know when to quit, do you?” Olette hissed.
“I quit at Larxene,” Luxord sighed. “Everyone knows she’s Axel’s girl, even if Axel doesn’t.”
“Euryale,” said Stheno, “I’m hungry. Can we eat them now?”
“They taste better in the flesh,” Euryale groaned. “When they’re stone, they’re stale!”
“I don’t care! I haven’t had anything to eat all day! Besides, flesh and blood goes straight to my hips!”
“Fine.”
Each Gorgon latched her fangs onto a statue and began devouring the stone.
“Gross,” Simba exclaimed.
“We know the plan?” Olette asked.
Luxord and Simba nodded.
All three of them jumped out of the bushes, yelling, “HEY, GORGONS! WANNA TURN US TO STONE?”
Euryale and Stheno turned their blazing gazes at the offenders, only to watch all three of them turn their backs and suddenly become giant cards with neon designs on the back.
“What the Tartarus?” Stheno asked.
“I’ll deal with this,” said Euryale. “I’ll just turn the cards around, and then they’ll be in a fix!” She approached the cards.
Card-Luxord smiled. He was an expert at getting people to pick the card he wanted them to pick.
“HA!” Euryale cried, turning a card over. “NOOOO!”
The other side of the card was Aphrodite’s mirror.
Luxord, Olette, and Simba stepped out of their card forms to see the Gorgon statues, frozen in the same fate as their victims. “Nice,” said Olette. “Now, just to get these statues back up to Aphrodite. Luxord, can you at least TRY to control yourself this time? It’s embarrassing when you drool.”

Artemis galloped through the forest on the back of her steed, a muscular brown stallion. She was looking for a particularly difficult quarry, but one that would be no problem for a goddess like herself.
Suddenly, she reined the horse in to a stop. Two mortals stood kneeling in the road before her.
Turning the horse to the side so she could look down on them, Artemis snapped, “What are you doing in the way? You could have been crushed!”
The female stood. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Artemis, right? That’s a beautiful horse…”
“Yes,” said Artemis. “You were searching for me?” She suddenly felt a little bad about nearly crushing those two.
“Yes,” Ilia continued.
Marluxia stood up to join her. “We have come in search of the key to Hera’s garden.”
“Oh…” Artemis said.
She was dressed like a man, in leather hunting clothes. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun so it didn’t get in her way. A strong bow and a full quiver were strapped to her back.
“I have to say,” she came out with eventually, “it is tradition to make mortals earn what they seek. However, there is only one task I can give you…and it is dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” Marluxia gave her a grin. “I have no problem with danger, Miss. In fact, I have been danger, in the past…”
“Can you ride a horse?” Artemis asked.
“Of course,” Marluxia scoffed. “I was the son of two of the finest Crimean knights. For them to have a child that could not ride would have been a dishonor.”
Ilia’s eyes had gone quite shiny upon the word “horse.”
“And can you hunt?” Artemis asked.
Marluxia summoned his scythe. “Does this answer the question?”
“My friend Link showed me a few things,” Ilia admitted, “but all I have is a dagger, which isn’t good for hunting. Is there a bow and arrow you can lend me?”
Artemis found a smaller bow and a quiver of fifty arrows somewhere in the air, handing them to Ilia. “If you accept the challenge—“
“We do,” Marluxia said with a nod.
“There is a flesh-eating boar running rampant in the wilderness,” Artemis explained. “Not quite as monstrous as the Calydonian boar, but still a threat. I was on my way to slay it. I shall grant you the key in exchange for the head of the boar. Beware, for it is fast, and clever.”
Marluxia gulped. “A boar? I am an expert at beheading, to be sure, but I haven’t ever hunted—“
“Leave the boar to me,” said Ilia. “You just worry about the head.”

Mounted on two white mares, Marluxia and Ilia rode gracefully into the woods. In no time at all, they caught up with the boar, which was running at top speed and knocking over thinner trees.
“Ohhh!” Ilia cried. “It’s a Bullbo! Why didn’t she just say that? I was all worried, wondering what kind of monster a boar was!”
“We call them boars nowadays,” Marluxia replied. “I take it ‘Bullbo’ is a Hylian term.”
“Perhaps. Can you ride around into its path and steer it toward me?”
“I don’t know why you want it to come closer, but I shall.” Marluxia kicked the sides of his mare, and off he went ahead of the boar. Leaning to the side, he urged the boar over to Ilia.
Ilia nocked an arrow, aiming carefully. She had arrows to spare, so the important thing was hitting the target, not necessarily killing on the first shot…
She let it fly gracefully into the boar’s side, spilling blood all over the ground. The boar charged Ilia, but she steered out of its way. Before the boar could turn around and come back, Ilia had ridden away to catch up with Marluxia.
“I have it wounded,” she called out.
“I can see that. It doesn’t look weakened…just very, very angry!”
The boar charged at Ilia, and she saw her chance for a second shot. “You get out of the way,” she directed Marluxia as she fitted the arrow to the bow, “and get ready to steer the Bullbo back to me again!”
This time the arrow hit the boar in the thigh, making it temporarily stop and limp. Ilia moved away, and Marluxia charged the boar, scythe brandished. Fearing the shining blade, the boar turned and limped in the opposite direction of Marluxia. Ilia waited, looking at the boar’s side. It had slowed enough for her to aim directly at the target spot.
The third arrow caught it in the heart, and it fell still.
Marluxia rode calmly up to it and drew the scythe across the neck. The head separated, and Ilia gingerly picked it up by the ear.
“Well done,” said Marluxia.
“You weren’t too bad yourself,” Ilia replied. “Now, can you do me one last favor?”
“Yes, disciple of Artemis.” He used the name affectionately to describe her hunting skill.
“Carry the head for me? You’re more used to blood…”
He saw Ilia getting faint, and slung the boar head onto the back of his horse. “Well done,” he repeated.

Larxene went ahead into the cave in Olympus’ side without hesitation. Aladdin and Mulan were a bit more cautious, trailing behind.
Far in the depths of the mountain of the gods, a man worked in a forge, only lit by the flames of the fires he needed to create his work. His face was hidden by shadows, which was just as well; it was puffy in places where it should be thin and thin in places where it should be puffy, as well as covered in warts and scars. The scars had been his punishment for the warts—the other gods had thrown him down the mountain when they saw how ugly he was as a child. The rest of his body wasn’t like those of the other gods, either. He was permanently hunched over, and his skin was an odd color that looked infected, though he suffered no diseases. All the years working in the forge had given him thick skin and calluses. He used a beaten palm to grip the hammer that pounded the lightning bolt into shape. It was difficult work; one had to be strong enough to work with the dangerous lightning, but also tender enough not to snap the fragile bolt.
Larxene’s eyes were drawn right to the bolt. “Hey,” she said. “Nice bolt there.”
“I made it,” the shadowy god grunted.
“Can you tell us where Hephaestus is?” Larxene asked.
“I am he,” Hephaestus answered. “Do you not believe I am a god, because of my homely appearance?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that you have a lightning bolt, and they told me Hephaestus was the god of fire.”
“I use the fire to forge the lightning. The two forces create incredible sparks together.”
Larxene felt a blush rising after hearing that statement. She shook it off. “You wouldn’t happen to have the key to Hera’s garden, would you?”
By this time, Aladdin and Mulan caught up, having discovered there was nothing to fear in the cave.
“I melted it so no one could use it for evil,” said Hephaestus. “However, Zeus has given the news that you are to use it for good. I need special metals to forge it again…a vein of gold that is only found in a particular mine.”
“We can go get the gold for you,” Aladdin offered.
“That is the only solution,” said Hephaestus, pounding away at the lightning bolt. He held it up and blew on it. “Finished.”
“Where is the mine?” Mulan asked.
“A cavern in Thebes. Take the boat anchored on the coast that way—“ He pointed “—in order to get to it. You’ll find it in a cave in a stone gorge. It’s the site of the famous slaying of the Hydra by Hercules. The Hydra is long dead.”
“We’ll be back in a blink,” Larxene promised, turning to leave.

The mine was not as ominous as Hades’ cave, but it was still…well, a cave. Dark and dripping.
Larxene’s foot hit the floor with a crunch. “Ew,” she shrieked. “What is this I’m stepping on?”
Mulan and Aladdin looked at the substance she’d crushed, but couldn’t identify it.
“Oh well.” Larxene shrugged. “Let’s just go get that gold.”
What Larxene didn’t know was that she had just stepped on an eggshell, not to mention that the past Hydra slain by Hercules was female and had only rushed him because he got too close to her nest by approaching the gorge.
From a side tunnel, two large golden eyes watched the three human intruders enter the place where the spawn had grown up hungry.