A Replacements fan fiction with many crossoversspoilers for the finale!
(A/N: this is an explanatory fic to clear up some backstory of Luminary Uprise, another story by yours truly, but you dont need to read that to get this, and you dont need to read this to get that.)
A telephone rang. Todd Daring, newly hired operator for FleemCo by his uncle Conrad Fleem, picked it up. Using his deepest voice and donning his disguise mustache, he answered: Hello, FleemCo!
Hello, an even deeper voice answered back. This wasnt a customer in the usual age demographic that used FleemCos Replacement program, but Todd shrugged it off. I am looking for twelve very special replacements. I am willing to pay top dollar for them.
Top dollar? Todds eyes lit up with dollar signs. Sweeeeeet. What can I help you with?
Name for me the twelve most powerful villains you can imagine
the twelve toughest warriors and schemers that ever were.
You mean like in books and stuff? I mean, the only real villain I know is Dr. Scorpius, and hes
No! He wont work!
Yeah, I thought not.
as in books
and stuff. Name them for me.
Well, I just got done playing Kingdom Hearts II, and I gotta say, Organization XIII is pretty
It cannot be the Organization! the voice said angrily.
Sheesh, youre crabby, Todd said. Okay. So lemme see
well, when youre thinkin villains, you just gotta think Maleficent!
A man in a Red FleemCo jumpsuit approached Maleficent as she sat on the silver throne of the Castle That Never Was. As he told her what was expected of her, she threw her head back and laughed.
He wants ME to make an alliance with HIM? she cackled. How pitiful!
But madam, the FleemCo employee explained, if you two join forces, the multiverse could be yours to command. Im just saying.
Well, that is an interesting idea
I suppose I shall have to give it some consideration.
And then, Todd continued, you just GOTTA have Sephiroth from Final Fantasy Seven! Cause hes just
COOL! What with the one wing and the giant sword and the theme song and everything
A fire rose upon the earth of Gaia. Sephiroth glanced to his left and right, wondering what had summoned him.
Two men in red FleemCo jumpsuits met his gaze, looking serious as Sephiroth himself.
Then, I dunno, Todd went on. I guess Darth Vader is a pretty bad guy. And I mean, everyone knows him.
Flanked by a legion of men in FleemCo jumpsuits, Darth Vader walked deliberately down the hall.
This is a good place to leave me, he assured the FleemCo men. It feels good he inhaled deeply through his mask to once again tread the halls of the Death Star.
Then how about somebody REALLY creepy? Lemme send ya
I dunno, some guy that controls nightmares and looks like death! I mean, that would just be cool
if there are any imaginary bad guys out there that do that.
The FleemCo employees reeled in a body from the ocean. It reeked of carrionbut then again, that was the mans name: Carrion.
Christopher Carrion stood to his full height, towering over the men in jumpsuits and fixing his deaths stare upon them. He felt at the collar around his neck where he usually kept his nightmares suspended in fluid.
Fix this, he commanded.
Todd thought it over. He said the first villains name that popped into his head. Ganondorf?
The Shadow King flexed his fist, watching the Triforce birthmark on it glow with the power of the goddesses.
What possessed you to bring me before you today? he asked of the FleemCo employees.
Well, one of the men said as friendly and professionally as possible, someone placed a very special order for you to join him. It could very well help you achieve your goal of worldwide darkness, if that helps you make your decision.
Oh, Voldemort! Todd cried. How could I forget him?
was dead, Voldemort said, looking at his hands, and now
I am alive
Well, the FleemCo worker explained, the guy who placed the order let us use the powers of darkness to bargain with the god of the Underworld, so youre in full working order!
Voldemort laughed. That
How many am I on now? Todd asked. Seven? Well, how about making your eighth guy some kinda shape shifter that embodies darkness itself!
I have my own missions, Saint Dane told the men in red. However, when they told him the name of the man placing the order, he stopped.
I have not heard that name in a long time, Dane remarked. He chuckled. I suppose I should pay him a visit.
Well, said Todd, my sisters been reading these silly Twilight books about vampire love stories. The vampires sound pretty cool, though. Is there a really big, bad vampire there? Cause if there is, having a vampire on your team would be totally awesome!
But brother Marcus stammered.
You and Caius may take care of the Volturi without me, Aro insisted. Besides, I have a feeling that I shall still be able to carry out my duties with the Volturi while completing my deal.
He glanced at the FleemCo workers to either side of him. In any case, the man who has paid for my transport promises great things for the Volturi
he could be the key to our ultimate victory.
How about that guy from Lord of the Rings? Todd suggested. You know, the one with the rings?
Sauron crawled along the burning floor of Mount Doom. What a pitiful scrap of existence he was
Then came the men in the red jumpsuits, and his fate turned completely around.
Then how about some completely psychotic sorceress queen or something? Todd offered. We havent used many girls so far
In response to the FleemCo workers, Redd Heart only laughed. And laughed and laughed.
That means yes, her sidekick, the Cat, explained.
Oh! Oh! I got it! Todd yelled in triumph. That anime guy who can kill people with his notebook! Light Yagami! He is AWESOME! I am so glad Tasumi got me watching that show
Mr. Yagami? the man from FleemCo asked, knocking on Lights door.
Yes? Light spun around and glared furtively, trying to hide what he had on his desk.
We know about the Death Note.
Light panicked. How to find out this mans name? How?
You cannot stop what is the will of justice! he cried.
How about you join up with a guy that wants to promote your idea of justice? Hell help you build your own kingdom if you build his. Just use your notebook. Oh, and heres an apple for your Shinigami.
As Ryuk plucked the apple out of the mans hand, Light considered. I suppose I can hardly refuse that sort of offer
And last? Todd thought it over. I dunno. Count Olaf maybe. Just cause he likes to burn stuff.
Truly? Olaf snickered at the men who had just given him the proposition. Yes! Now I can finally be EVIL and WIN, too!
Thank you, said the deep voice. That will be satisfactory.
Yeah, good luck with all your imaginary villains. You know, FleemCo doesnt usually replace people with imaginary people, but we dont usually charge either, so as long as youre paying!
There was an annoyed cough on the other end of the line. Then: Thank you for your service. Your pay shall arrive as soon as is feasible.
A red car pulled up to Todds lawn, where he sat outside with the phone. A FleemCo worker jumped out, handed Todd a fat check, and jumped back in.
Wow, Todd commented. That got feasible fast.
Riley stepped out into the yard, licking an ice cream pop. Hey, Todd, whatcha got there?
just a HUGE CHECK from a guy who just paid top dollar for us to replace some of his friends with IMAGINARY villains!
Todd! Riley cried. Why would you do that?
Because the only REAL bad guy we have around here is Dr. Scorpius, or should I say Dr. Thcorpiuth! So I thought of some of the coolest imaginary bad guys I knew, and I even just made up some descriptions and hoped someone had written someone like that.
Let me see that check. Riley took the check from Todds hand. Todd! This check is signed Xehanort!
Hey, thats the same name as the bad guy from that video game I just got done playing!
Wasnt that game all about other worlds? Todd, what if there really are other worlds? What if those bad guys are REAL? Then you just set one really powerful bad guy up with
A new Organization XIII, Todd pieced together. Sweeeet.
Todd, that is not sweet!
Aw, cmon, Riley. You know as well as I do that Xehanort and Voldemort and Darth Vader and those guys arent REAL
Then the ground started shaking, and Todd only had a few more minutes in which he could truly doubt.